Sunday, 20 December 2015
Saturday, 12 December 2015
It's been a long time... has it not.
It's actually been a long time that I have written something really.
I can feel the mundane taking over me, my thoughts, my processes, altering me, making me into the living shape of what the mould of a common man would look like.
I've lost my spark that let's me write. I cannot comprehend simple topics that I could write on before. I cannot grasp myself from the clutter in my brain.
It forces me to become one I am not... maybe that's for good?
But I fear for myself. What if I am not supposed to let it get to me?
What if I am supposed to rise above it?
My heart says to do what I want... my mind, rational as always, asks me to be obedient. The perfect son, the person who is honored by men.
I want to do many things... many many things.
I want to run my own business. Run a small company, let it grow.
But I cannot rein in what my mind feels.
Sometimes all I want is to take the car and drive away.
I have resisted the temptation too many times... it's torture.
I want to be free. I want to be alive.
I am now living the life of a man stuck in time. Tortured to death by his own wishes, unable to save himself from the wishes of those around him. I let my dreams shatter for those around me. Because they matter to me of course. I couldn't care less what the strangers say or do.
But it's everything that I want to do that stops me.
I want to forget everything... everything. I know that my path till now has been nothing but a walk on pillows. My end destination the same as many, my beginning too. Then why do I fear what lies in between, because all that could happen is that I reach the end earlier.
I am a lost and confused man in the tide of sea, rocked by the way the waves blow, travelling to where the wind takes me.
To capture the reins of my boat I yearn
Yet it bites me, spits at me, hisses and then scratches me.
Even if I bear all the pain and hold on, I still don't think I will reach where I want to be.
Second best at everything I do, losing to myself in a battle of wits. Unable to control myself, let alone destroy the demons in me.
P.S: This is an old post... I thought I could use the motivation :)
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Friday, 20 June 2014
The easiest thing ever, in anyones life is to throw poeple away. You just gradually phase them out, don't return their calls, stop reading their messages, but eventually you find yourself in the day when you need their skills or contacts.
And that is when you find that you made the mistake of letting them walk away.
It's never easy phasing out a loved one. It is easy though, to phase out someone you don't really like. But then, how would you feel, if someone did that to you?
I've been on the receiving end of it and really, it didn't make me feel any special. And that's when I realised that they were in fact doing a favour to me. Because at the end of the day, I may be short of a 'friend' ,but them staying in my life wouldn't have done me any good, filled with hate and anger at me as they were. For what, I still have to find out, but I couldn't bother less.
And yes, of course there are close friends that you just drifted apart from, nothing that can be done about that though. It's life. It's very nature is of change.
Them, I really miss. And yes ofcourse, we do still talk, at random times.
Makes me realise how fast time has gone.
So everyone reading this, if you remember an old friend of yours, remember that maybe, just maybe that you could be still in your friends mind. So go ahead, try to find them. Try talking to them.
If they ignore you, just laugh at their own forgetfulness. Pity them, because they don't look at the past.
Till another time,
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Tuesday, 10 June 2014
But all jokes aside, there are a few things I realised are something all NRI's miss about their home country. And here are they:
There is really something about staying in your own home. For a person who has lived in a rented apartment for their entire life, that is heaven.
Saturday, 7 June 2014
I've changed. Subtle changes have made me into someone entirely different from who I was. I'm now inherently more suspicious of people.
And I'm getting bored of everything. Seriously I'm saying. Life is becoming boring. Nothing has that old spark it had. Maybe its just me growing up, losing the innocence I had in me. Maybe it's because the inner child in me died out. My decisions have gone on from being stupid to phenomenally stupid. Afterall, I have grown up now. I should take some responsibility.
And that was the worst thought I had.
Not that it isn't working for me. It is. Just not in my favour.
I just hope that as time progresses, I can finally find the inner child, the one playing hide and seek with me, the one who is like a sun hidden behind clouds.
Maybe I should stop living in the past. And life in the present, with no hope from anyone and the future.
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Thursday, 5 June 2014
Today is the day that I had been looking forward for a long time. The day that my exams are finally over. But it was a huge disappointment, at the beginning.
And great after that.
I'm going to skip all the boring parts of my mundane life and just share a gem of a thought I heard today. 'Don't think what is right, Know what is right. '
Now you may think that there is not much difference between the two, but there is. A vast difference exist.
And of course, most will be disagree. That, I have seen in general is the most prominent human trait. And thinking too much of themselves. Even me.
And my friend whom I talked with for a long time. I owe a lot to you brother. You have made a change in the way I think.
But I have also heard some distressing new today.
The father of a very close friend of mine, is hospitalised. He is in critical state and I hope that he makes a fast recovery.
Hoping that by tomorrow everything is back to normal,
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Also pray for my friends father. It would mean a lot to me.